“We Will Golf In The Shade” — Or: The Most Powerful Coward In The World

By: Terresa Monroe-Hamilton
NoisyRoom.net

Illustration by Gary Locke

Oh, the sheer genius! P.J. O’Rourke has outdone himself and that takes some doing. In I Came, I Saw, I Skedaddled, O’Rourke parodies the many feckless faces of Barack Obama. Among the pearls of clarity:

Chief Executive of Sparta, Barack Leonidas Obama, at the Battle of Thermopylae

Stand down, men. The chairman of the Greek City States Alliance Joint Chiefs of Staff has indicated to me that our capacity to execute this mission against Xerxes is not time-sensitive.

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Julius Barack Caesar Obama Crosses the Rubicon

I am crossing the Rubicon. Brrr, the water’s chilly. Deep, too. I’m going for a walk along the riverbank to look for a bridge. And I will cross the Rubicon as soon as the weather warms up. The die has been cast. That is, the deck has been shuffled. Or the Wheel of Fortune has been spun. And I’ll buy a vowel.

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Shakespeare’s Henry Barack V, Act IV, Scene iii

That he which hath no stomach to this fight,

Let him depart. So I’m out of here.

[exit muttering]

We few, we very few, we hardly any. . .

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John Barack Fitzgerald Kennedy Obama

Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill—and since we’re not engaged in nation-building, every nation should wish us well—that we shall pay any price if it’s not too high, bear any burden unless it’s burdensome, meet any hardship unless it’s hard, support any friend if we have any, oppose any foe—although no nation should think of us as a foe because we’re not that kind of country anymore—to assure the survival and success of liberty, unless it’s a holiday weekend.

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Apollo 11 Commander Neil Barack Armstrong Obama, July 20, 1969

That’s one small step for .  .  . Nope. I think I’ll go back up the ladder to the lunar module. Maybe Buzz Aldrin would like to go first.

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Martin Barack Luther Hussein King Obama Jr.

I have a daydream.

And the hilarity ensues. Truth in humor and I am still weeping. Yes, our not-so-fearless leader is a figure of historic proportions – or not. Read. It. All.

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